The charity receives an eviction notice from the landlord, who gave them a warm welcome when he couldn’t find anyone else to rent his grotty little office, but now plans to demolish it and build a trendy cocktail bar.
Whilst packing boxes of old stickers that don’t stick and politically-incorrect collection tins, staff discover a note from Willy (with one “i”), the charity’s founder, with instructions on how to get some SERIOUS wedge.
“Herein lie a 500-page tender document which taketh 6 months to complete, but must be returned within 1 month, accompanied by a unicorn tail, tears of two fairies and a 10-year financial forecast…”
Willy (with one “i”) is joking, of course, he always did have a dry sense of humour – and a bottle of dry gin in his office, which is why the Board had to put him on garden leave, but I digress…
It’s a treasure map, but the team don’t realise that enraged by the termination of his employment following an unnecessarily-protracted HR process, Willy (with one “i”) has given the SAME map to the charity’s main competitor/collaborator!
Our heroes enter a maze of underground tunnels littered with traps; except Mikey, who has to finish work at 3 pm on a Tuesday to get to his Pilates class.
• Mouth from marketing falls down a ravine after failing to find a primary school-aged child who can do a radio interview at 10 pm.
• Stef, a Trustee, gets buried under a huge pile of cannonballs after failing to recite the charity’s vision, mission and values.
• Andy has to walk the plank when she’s asked for a password but has to send a reset request and can’t use any of her last five.
They stumble across the base of a wishing well and hear normal people talking about normal jobs above and, for a brief moment, think about joining them, but make the noble decision to continue in their quest to save the world and every damn person and animal in it.
Finally, they reach the end and find a HUGE plastic dog with a bandaged leg filled with loose change. Willy (with one i)’s wedge!
Mrs Fratelli, chair of the other charity, jumps out and snatches the CEO’s phone, dangling it over the murky waters down below…
Quaking with fear at the prospect of losing all of their emails, contacts and motivational leadership podcasts, the CEO prepares to hand over the coins.
Suddenly, a voice cries out “Hey, you guys – and girls!” (because it’s not 1985 anymore).
It’s Mikey! Turns out Pilates was cancelled. He grabs the phone and tells Mrs Fratelli that, in a world where she could be anything, she should be kind.
Outside, they tell the landlord that, thanks to inflation, they have enough small change to buy the office, but they’d still like to turn it into a trendy cocktail bar.
Finally free of its cargo of loose pennies, the huge plastic dog with a bandaged leg floats eerily and silently along the canal behind them.