If Charities Remade Classic 1980’s Movies: E.T. The Extra Terrestrial

A charity enrols an abandoned alien botanist on its befriending scheme and matches him with a volunteer to assist in social inclusion.

Thanks to a poor induction, the pair spend their days drinking beer, messing about with the local electricity supply and riding their bikes recklessly through town.

(Surprisingly, these activities DO still meet the funding outcomes, which are to reduce social isolation, develop new skills and improve physical health and well-being).

The government gets wind that public funds are being wasted on positive childhood experiences and sends a fleet of Police, Army and scientists to terminate the scheme with immediate effect (at a cost of £500k to the taxpayer).

They almost terminate the alien and volunteer too but, thanks to some sort of magic-finger-telepathy-thingy, the alien recovers, but says ‘sod this for a game of soldiers, I only came in here to use the bloody phone!’.

He FINALLY calls his mum, who picks him up in a giant spaceship but, as soon as she gets home, she gets out her smartphone and writes an angry rant about the charity on social media.

The charity’s CEO orders an internal review into how someone who simply came in to use the phone got enrolled as a client and how a 10-year-old boy made it through the volunteer recruitment and selection process.

Trustees call an urgent meeting to address the BIG QUESTION, which staff presume is how come the alien could make kids on bikes fly but couldn’t simply fly back to his own planet?!

No, the big question they want to answer is why on earth wasn’t the volunteer wearing a cycle helmet and they demand all risk assessments be updated immediately.

Thankfully, the Board also authorises the purchase of new watering cans to take care of all these bloody flowers which seem to have suddenly sprung up from out of nowhere.

by <a href="https://steveallman.com" target="_blank">Steve Allman</a>

by Steve Allman

Helping charities, nonprofits & people who do good do GREAT. Steve Allman is a professional coach & consultant who can help you develop the methods & mindset to maximise impact, in your own life and in the lives of others. Follow on Linkedin, Twitter & Medium for more insights & inspiration.

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